Learning how to feel is part of
recovery from any addiction and learning how to argue productively has a positive impact
on relationship satisfaction. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, October 2000.
According to a new study topping the
list of needs that appear to bring happiness are autonomy (feeling that your activities
are self-chosen and self-endorsed), competence (feeling that you are effective in your
activities), relatedness (feeling a sense of closeness with others) and self-esteem. Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology, February 2001.
Results from a national survey of
people aged 18 to 59 years indicate that sexual dysfunction was common among women (43%)
and men (31%). Journal of the American Medical Association, 1999.
From birth throughout life each person
develops a unique "sexual story" influenced by culture, gender, family of
origin, and personal experience. The "story" takes on the beliefs and meanings
that each person attributes to their sexuality. Couples must negotiate their personal
"sexual stories" as they develop their own style of sexual communication and
activity. This is an ongoing process as everyday life problems may interfere with intimacy
and sexuality. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
Children closely monitor their parents'
relationship. The lack of displayed affection is just as important as the affection
displayed between parents. As Henri Nouwen cites, "...it is not primarily the
attention paid to the child, but the unrestricted love of the parents for each
other..." When parents have a solid emotional and physical relationship, the
household ambiance makes everyone more available to one another. Children may complain
about parents getting "mushy," but they are being blessed with a wonderful
template that serves well in later life. American Association for Marriage and Family
Therapy.
"80% of those who divorce during
an affair ultimately regret their decision." From the book, Triangles: Facts you
need to know about affairs. By Staheli and Lana, Seattle, Staheli, Inc.
Moving from isolation to a healthy
connection with others is one of the most challenging tasks of recovery from any
addiction. In the Surgeon General's report as far back as 1964, social isolation was a
more significant cause of mortality than reported deaths from cigarette smoking.
Individuals who feel more love and
support and are connected with others have fewer health problems and live longer,
independent of diet, smoking, exercise, cholesterol, family history, and other standard
risk factors according to a Yale study presented in Love and Survival, Eight pathways
to Intimacy and Health, by Dr. Ornish.
A 14-year study of 100 men and women
between 55 and 80 years old showed that those with trusting personalities stayed healthier
and lived longer. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, Vol. 21:6.